One fellow at a party was telling how he out-swam a shark 500 feet to shore. After the party, his friend said, “How can you tell such lies as beating the shark 500 yards to shore?”
“It wasn’t a lie, I did it.”
“How could you?”
“I had clear water all the way.”
A young minister was very definite in his opinion of golfers who played golf on Sunday instead of going to church. It was such a beautiful day, he decided to go for a ride in the country. He came to a golf course and thought, “I’ll just pull up here and watch a while, see a few golfers go by.” He waited and waited but not a soul came by. He finally got his clubs out of the car and took a few practice swings. Still no one came along, so he went over to the tee and decided he would hit just one ball. The hole was 550 yards. Meanwhile, St. Peter up in heaven, said to the Lord, “Look who’s down there on the tee on #15! And on Sunday too.”
The Lord said, “Not him! I’ll fix him!”
The reverend teed off and never hit such a shot in his life: over trees, streams, bunkers, and lakes and finally onto the green where the ball rolled right into the cup.
The Lord said, “I told you to fix him, not help him.”
St. Peter replied, “Wait till he tries to tell somebody about this!”
A motorist backing out of his driveway almost hit a pedestrian. A neighbor saw the incident and later that day said to the motorist, “You almost hit that man backing out of your driveway this morning; did you know him?”
His neighbor said, “No, I didn’t, but I think he was from Florida.”
“Why’s that?”
“He kept saying something about the sun and the beach.”
